Archer's Tavern

We always try to go to new places 2 or 3 times at least to get a fair assessment; even a great restaurant can have a bad day. So we've been to Archers twice now and it's just been 2 of the worst restaurant experiences ever. I've never felt prompted to write a review online of any restaurant before, but Archers is so bad I felt it necessary today.

First, the place is just recycled run down old junk. The booths are uncomfortable, and the atmosphere is not contusive for pleasurable dining. There isn't anything that makes this place special at all, except the negative feeling when you look around the room. The entire place just seems dirty for what ever reason. Measurably visible, our glasses and silverware were tired and spotted. It's just physically not a nice place. One look at the table top special menus and their rotted old torn and beer soaked textures speaks volumes. Second, the service sucks. It's slow, inconsistent, unorganized, and unprofessional. Lastly, and most important, Archers is comparatively as loud as Fraze concerts. We literally had to talk at almost yelling volumes to converse. For dinner it's obnoxiously loud.

The other night they sat us squeezed in the tight opening corner where only kids should sit. I like my air conditioning cold, but there was cold air blowing on us at a constant 15 mph. After waiting on our waitress to show for 10 minutes, we finally got to ask if we could be moved, which took another 10 minutes to accomplish. Come to find out, according to our server and the hostess, it was hard to find a seat in the building that didn't have the cold air issue. Their words, not mine.

So we got moved to nice new table, which was soaking wet on top from being cleaned. Nice. Our new waitress came after another 5 minutes and asked us for our drink orders. Archers seems to pride itself on it's knowledge of beers, but their list, while better than say an old 70's tavern, pales in comparison to modern places like Chappy's. The actual list of craft brews is much smaller than the way they advertise themselves. Anyway, after waiting another 5 minutes, a totally different girl brought us our drinks. My beer, a nice Great Lakes Burning River, was brought straight up in the bottle. HELLO!@#$%! Anyone who drinks beer like this out of a bottle has no clue about beer. So I had to ask for a glass, to which we got shrug okay. It then took another 5 minutes for me to get a glass, at which time our waitress almost demanded we order too. So we did. Last time I had one of their overcooked bad tasting burgers, and my wife had one of the worst pulled pork sandwiches of all time, so this time we made changes. My wife obviously didn't believe me, so she got a burger. I decided to try the pizza.

After about 20 minutes of yelling conversation, our food came. Well, my food came. Another new girl brought me the pizza along with a serving spatula. It took about 3 or 4 minutes for my wife's burger to arrive from yet another new guy this time, but he walked away so fast I couldn't ask him for a plate. Why did they give me a spatula but no plate? So we waited and waited for a server to get me a plate, but it's like they were all out back having a smoke break or something. Finally, we got to ask one girl, and yet another girl brought me the plate. By this time my pizza was getting cold.

But that didn't matter, this was one of the 5 worst pizza's I've ever had. Crappy frozen pizza BLOWS Archer's away. Their crust is obviously store bought tasteless freezer flat bread. Imagine a 14" communion wafer with stuff on it. The sauce was weak, and while the other ingredients looked fresh, they had NO taste. It was very BAD. Embarrassingly bad.

My wife's fries were totally over cooked (as were mine the first time, so they must like them this way). Her burger was better than the one I had, only because they smothered it with Worchester drenched onions which gave it some taste. Not great taste, but at least some, and not bad like mine. But, for the money we paid for that burger, it was pitiful; very amateur.

Overall, this is not only one of the worst restaurants in Centerville or Dayton, it's one of the worst places we've ever been to, ever. My wife literally said, "just think, for the price we paid for THIS, we could have enjoyed a beautiful brunch experience at Meadowlark." She couldn't have nailed the coffin shut any harder and that says a lot. Archers should be ashamed of themselves for the total garbage they dish out on a daily basis. I strongly recommend people avoid this place at all cost.

The fact that the Centerville majority supports Archers just proves again that most people here have no clue what truly good food is. The nightly vision of Archer's parking lot being constantly packed blows us away. It's like TGIF's and Applebee's and O' Charlie's. People here love to support chains and sports bar crap, but typically abandon locally owned unique mom & pop venues with style and character. Sure, there are a few fabulous places, but I can just about name them all on one hand. Centerville is such a great place to live; it's a real shame that we can't have more superior mom & pop places to choose from. Please people, for the good of Centerville, wake up and get some taste buds.

Archers Score = Negative 5 stars